"How Beautifully Connected We Are..."

(Author's note: This is the 2nd of three parts about my feature on Ms. Emma Mary Tiglao, BBP 2019 candidate representing the province of Pampanga. Get to know more about Emma's #BeyondBeauty persona behind all the glitz and glam of pageantry.)

"Find people who help you feel more at home in your heart, mind and body, and who take joy in your joy. Find people who love you, for real, and who accept you, for real. Just as you are. They’re out there, these people. Your tribe is waiting for you. Don’t stop searching until you find them.” 

If you would ask Emma Mary Tiglao what gives meaning to her life, family and friendships are at the top of her list. 

All her life (at 24 years, four months and 19 days as of today), Emma has made some incredible, loving connections outside of her family, they are her person... her tribe. One of them I had the pleasure of knowing recently. She is Kash Manalo, a young Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) working in Dubai.

Emma and Kash became friends eight years ago. Emma was a third year Tourism student of Holy Angel University where Kash was working as a multimedia specialist. "The College of Hospitality and Tourism Department produced a video campaign material where Emma was one of the hosts and the rest is history," Kash said.

Emma and Kash during one of their travels

Their friendship was unexpected. When they met, Emma - at 18 - was a student and title holder in a national beauty pageant while Kash was 6 years older and the total opposite of her. "We hit it off. We didn’t share the same era, but we shared the same purpose. Purpose to give, to live and be alive. I can’t even put into words how beautifully connected we are in many ways but all I know is that we value our friendship beyond distance," Kash narrated.

Kash is grateful that her friendship with Emma gives them the allowance for mistakes and freedom to grow individually. "When Emma realizes that she has done something wrong, she would tell me without hesitations and wait for my sermons. Her maturity for admitting something and accepting my opinions makes me so proud. She’s helping herself improve and learn from her mistakes. She’s trying to learn every day and striving to be better."

Kash also appreciates how Emma, despite all her successes and achievements, remains the humblest and kindest person. "She’ll join you in your battle, she’ll be the first person to jump and cry because of your achievements. Emma will even cross the ocean just to see you and make up for lost time. She values her friends and people around her. She has a rare quality that’s hard to find."

When asked what makes Emma unique as a friend and as a person, Kash recalled Emma's efforts. "When she was competing in Binibining Pilipinas 2014, that was also the time I was about to leave the Philippines to fulfill my dreams. Emma went out of her way to go back to Pampanga to surprise me and say our goodbyes. It was short but it left a significant mark in my life," Kash said. 

Emma was also an OFW like Kash. At a very young age of 21, Emma took out a big step outside her comfort zone to go to Cambodia to help her family, buy them a house and a family car. "She was at the peak of her modeling and hosting career, but Emma chose to leave. She’s bold and brave to take a path that she’s not familiar with. Her bravery took her places, she found new friends and family, it kept her well-grounded," Kash said.

But Emma's kindness is more evident in how she helps people in need, big or small. Kash recalled how Emma has been helping charitable organizations focused on special children and less fortunate kids since 2014. 

Emma loves to share her blessings without using her platform.

"Even when she was in Cambodia, Emma - together with some of her friends there - continued to do good deeds and random acts of kindness. They cooked Filipino dishes and shared it with some of the less fortunate people in Cambodia," Kash added. 

After fulfilling her dream of buying a house and car for her family, Emma came back to the Philippines and continued to share her blessings. According to Kash, Emma organized outreach programs at the Munting Tahanan ng Nazareth and the Special Education Center in Angeles City without using her platform. 

Kash also shared that there were times when they would pack some goods, drive around Angeles City and San Fernando and hand out these goods to the homeless and street families. "When Emma helps, she helps silently. She doesn’t use her platform to gain attention. She just wants to change the world with her simple kind gestures. Her enthusiasm to help makes a big difference and inspires the people around her to do the same. I believe that your vibe attracts your tribe. That’s what she does. Her enthusiasm to help others gives us the reason to be better and to share."

Emma loves being around children.

When I asked Kash what could have been Emma's career if she did not pursue her dream of being a beauty queen, she told me it would either be as a teacher in a social facility organization or a flight attendant. 

"Emma really wants to be a teacher. She is fond of children. She enjoys her time playing and interacting with them. Being a Flight Attendant is also one of her biggest dreams. She sees it as an opportunity to see places around the globe. She loves to travel a lot. She enjoys her time being on the beach, hearing the sounds of the sea," Kash added.

According to Kash, Emma joined different beauty pageants and accepted modeling stints to raise money and pay for her college tuition. "Her dream was to finish her college and have a diploma. She graduated with flying colors while working left and right. She knows what she wants and what she wants to achieve. She worked hard for every single penny she earned," Kash proudly says about Emma.

Behind all that glitz and glamour, Kash says the one thing that people would be surprised to find out about Emma is that she is also a cowboy. "She’s always on the go. When you ask her if she wants to join you on a 9-hour bus ride, she’ll drop what she’s doing and go for it without hesitation. Sasakyan lahat ng trip mo just to please you."

"We all know that she is flawlessly beautiful. I always tell her that she’s “halimaw” whenever she is on stage. We always laugh it off. Because deep down she’s simple, exceptionally thoughtful and determined."

On Emma's normal days, which she rarely has, she tries to spend time with her family, to watch movies or have dinner out to catch up with them. 

"People see Emma the beauty queen. But in the eyes of her friends, we see the determined Emma who works hard for her dreams. Her dreams are not actually about her, it’s about her family especially for her mama and papa. She wants her father to stop working overseas that is why she’s striving so hard for her family," Kash said.

When I asked Kash what she thinks was the biggest challenge faced by Emma and how she overcame it, Kash said it would be what she went through in 2014. 

"The world of technology can be so mean and cruel. After joining Binibining Pilipinas and Miss World Philippines that year, Emma was brutally bashed about her performance in the Q&A segment. It was heartbreaking to read the mean comments, but she took these comments positively and as constructive criticisms. Her 5 years off in pageantry gave her the time to focus on healing, learning and growing. She was bold enough to try things that were new to her. She traveled a lot, met new people, tried to go outside her comfort zone and that shaped her into who she is today. These opportunities opened her eyes to the reality of life and discover what she really wants."

Now, Emma is back stronger and better than ever, brave enough to try again and wise enough to know that she is already a winner because she kept going, grateful in the thought that no matter what happens, she will always have the love and support of her family and true friends.

Thank you Kash. It's a pleasure to know you. I hope to see you soon. 

My Queen

(Author's note: This article is the 1st of three parts that I am writing about Ms. Emma Mary Tiglao, BBP 2019 candidate representing the province of Pampanga. Get to know more about her through the eyes of the people who value her as a beautiful human being.)

“Namaste... I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells.”

Emma Mary Tiglao was only a name to me about a year ago.

My first encounter with her was during the launch of the Search for Miss Midori Clark 2018. Emma was among the first to message us through FB inquiring about the pageant’s details. The minute I mentioned to my office mates that a certain Emma Tiglao sent a message, I was startled by their instantaneous reaction. When I asked why, their answer was unanimous - “Naku ma’am hindi mo ba alam? Alamat si Emma Tiglao sa Pampanga” (Didn’t you know ma’am? Emma Tiglao is a legend in Pampanga.)

It got me so curious that I stalked her social media accounts, and I honestly got intimidated by what I read and saw. I wondered why a pageant veteran, with all her achievements and accolades, would still want to join our search.

A few days later, my work colleagues began contacting handlers and beauty queen aspirants in Pampanga to invite them to join the Miss Midori pageant. Some of those who initially expressed interest in joining was already bailing out because of Emma.

When I asked if the reason was because they feel intimidated by her, one of our team members gave me an interesting answer: “Yung dalawang possible candidates ma’am, sobrang idol po nila si Emma. Ayaw po nilang kalabanin kasi mataas daw ang respeto nila sa kanya.” (Ma’am, two of the possible contestants said Emma is their idol. They said they do not want to compete with her because they look up to her.)

So early on, I already knew that Emma - in the eyes of some of  her fellow Cabalens especially  young girls - is "somebody" in her province. I assumed they idolize her because of the titles and crowns she has already won while representing Mabalacat and Pampanga. Turns out - as I would learn later on - that there is more to her than her beauty titles.

During the go-see of the Miss Midori Clark 2018 applicants, Emma Tiglao's screening was one of the most highly anticipated. We were all curious about candidate number 35 (that was her go-see number). The minute she stepped out on stage, we were all speechless. She definitely did not disappoint. There she was... radiant... a towering figure... a Q-U-E-E-N.

Emma Mary Tiglao during the Miss Midori Clark 2018 go-see on June 1, 2018.

I asked Emma why she  joined our pageant, and if she didn't consider it a demotion for her given her caliber and previous achievements in national pageants. She told us there was no hesitation on her part because Midori is a five-star property that gives pride to Pampanga, her beloved province, and that it would be a great privilege if she got the chance to be the face of Midori and its charitable causes. 

That day, we learned that Emma stopped joining pageants after her Miss World 2015 stint where she finished as 4th Princess, and decided to be an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) in Cambodia to help her family. She told us that if she makes it to Miss Midori, it will be her comeback of sorts to the pageant world after five years.

Emma was candidate #12 during the Miss Midori 2018 pageant

Of course, Emma Mary Tiglao made it as our official candidate number 12. 

Emma is a natural in front of the cameras. During our artistic shoot, she moved around with ease. One could see the glow in her eyes, her commanding presence, and how she loved every minute of what she was doing. I was in awe of her; this girl has no bad angle.

But beneath that beauty is an even more beautiful soul. This was evident during our pageant's CSR activity at the Bahay Pag-Ibig home for abandoned elderly where Emma, like the other girls, brought happiness to the beneficiaries. She went around hugging them, making sure they were okay.

Emma during Midori's CSR activity at Bahay Pag-ibig in San Fernando, Pampanga.

Emma possesses this natural gift to help those in need, quietly and without any pretense, a calling that I also pursue. This is the reason why when I learned that she was doing an outreach for some of the SPED children in a public school in Angeles, Pampanga, I said I wanted to give a little help. She told me that during her five-year hiatus from pageantry, she has been doing random acts of kindness and charity works whenever her time and resources would permit. It has always been her purpose: to spread kindness and love, especially to those who need it.   

Emma, her family and friends during a charity work
for some SPED kids in Angeles, Pampanga on July 4, 2018. 

The pageant ran for over two months. During its course, Emma never showed any "attitude". She did not crave for attention and her demeanor was self effacing. Emma was never loud. She was always respectful, focused on doing her best, and worked hard to prove her resolve to promote Midori in her social media platforms.

After the pageant where she became one of our major winners, I had the opportunity to spend more time with Emma during Midori's various events. I have never seen her so beautiful, not because of how she looks or how she effortlessly carries herself, but with how she makes everyone around her feel like she sees and acknowledges them. 

I also appreciate how she finds time to check on me on unexpected days despite her hectic schedule, and pays me a visit just to hug me whenever she would have the time to do so. She is one of the most genuine persons I have ever met in my entire life, and I will infinitely love her.

   

Angels Dream project of Midori last Dec 2018

With My Queen Emma Mary Tiglao

Midori's Christmas Party for its Employees in Dec 2018.

In my eyes, what makes Emma a true queen is not her gorgeous appearance - with or without make-up - or her impeccable pasarela, or the fabulous dresses she wears, or her achievements. 

What makes My Queen beautiful is her unfeigned ability to love and care for other people even if she doesn't stand to gain anything from helping them. Emma does not want people to repay her for her charity. Instead, she hopes to inspire them to pay it forward. She helps not for publicity or to gain public acceptance or approval, but simply because it is her life's purpose. And she does it regardless of whether she is competing in a pageant or not.

Emma's beauty lies in her courage and tenacity to pursue her dreams, not only for herself but for her family most of all. 

She is flawless - not in her looks - but in her audacity to see the good in other people, and to pass kindness rather than judgement. Emma remains positive even in the face of failure, always choosing to take in the lessons rather than dwell on the pains of her perceived shortcomings. She doesn't pretend to be full of eloquence, but she knows that the best way to communicate is to speak her truth kindly and always from her heart.

Most of all, My Queen's strength lies in her faith in God and in the light that flows within her beautiful soul. 

Whenever she catches me staring at her with a big smile on my face, she would always ask me why. I guess I have never really told her the reason, and now she will know why...

Emma Mary Tiglao is no longer just a name and a pretty face to me. She totally changed - rather demolished - my perception that beauty queens are just pretty faces and eye candies who are consumed by how they look, what dresses or shoes to wear, and the number of followers they have on social media. 

Emma showed me that a queen's essence rests not on the crown on her head, but on how well she lives her life in the present and strives to make a difference in the life of others. 

So to you My Queen, I want to say THANK YOU for choosing to be the beautiful human being that you are. I wish you one hell of a ride on your journey. This is your time.

Lord make me an instrument of Your Peace

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

where there is sadness, joy. 

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console,

to be understood as to understand,

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive, 

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, 

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.

Trust His Timing

Before I go to sleep, I just want to say that it breaks my heart and makes me cry that we did not get what we prayed for you.

I also want you to know that I am very proud of how you have wonderfully grown and evolved these past few months. Your life has not been easy and there were perhaps times when you probably doubted yourself and almost gave up. But the dauntless warrior in you and that indomitable spirit of yours  just kept you going. You never gave up, and that alone is a victory.

I am sorry for the times when I seemed out of touch and wasn't there for you when I got caught up juggling so many other things.  But God knows there was never a  day that I didn't  pray for you, and for your dreams to come true. And there never was a single moment where my love for you and my belief in what you are capable of doing ever faltered. That has and never will happen.

No matter where the coming days or months or years will bring you, please know that I am just here. I'm on your boat for the long haul, rowing with you no matter where your journeys will take you. It doesn't end here.

I hope you will never lose heart and give up on your dreams. Just keep dreaming, working and praying for it. One day, when you finally reach that destiny of yours, you will realize why you have to go through all that.

In time, all things will fall into place. All that we have to do, as you and I always did,  is to trust His timing.

I love you ate. Good night.

Sorry

Someday It Will All Make Sense

...why God put you in someone else's story and why they are in yours...

...why it confuses you to distinguish the greater pain between losing someone who died or someone who lives.

...why things fall into place, then fall apart, only to fall in place again.

...why there are stories that cannot and should not end the way others expect and want them to.

...why you cannot just walk away.

...why you are still here to see this beautiful day.

Still A Girl Who Needs Her Dad

Dearest Daddy,

I want to start by saying that I have never been the same the day you left us. 

Almost a year has passed and I still wake up weeping in the middle of the night, feeling that gaping hole in my heart. 

I miss you... your infectious laughter... your silent approval of everything I do... how you genuinely love and care for my Ej and my Edgar... seeing you sitting peacefully in your favorite side of the bed while watching your favorite Kapamilya shows...  talking to you while we are having that little chit chat over a cup of coffee, or during our weekend dates.

The list just goes on and on. There is not a day that I wish you were still with us. I still go home feeling those pangs of sadness and grief at the thought that you won't be there to welcome me home. 

Broken... that's who I have been and how I will always be for the rest of my life without you.  


Losing you has been my life's greatest tragedy. 

I am somehow amazed at our strength and courage as a family to get on with our lives the past year without you. 

Perhaps, it is still you up there guiding us and Mommy to move on with our lives, just like how you have moved on in the great beyond to live eternally with our Creator.

I love you Daddy. I will always be your favorite little girl, and you will forever be my favorite superhero. 

If Only...

If only you would be kinder than necessary...

If only you would be grateful for what and who you already have...

If only you would learn to count your blessings and not focus on what and who you lack in life...

If only you would - for one moment - try to be happy and find inspiration in the achievements of others...

If only you would stop the hate and focus on nurturing your own happiness...

If only you could step out in the open and say what you wanted to say - no matter how cruel - to your innocent targets without lurking in the dark...

If only you would try to control your own demons and stop hurting people who haven't done you any harm...

If only you would choose empathy for the misery of others rather than gossip or harshly laugh at their perceived "failures"...

If you would only teach your sons or your daughters to compete with no one else but themselves...

If only you would tell them that they don't have to always win because losing is a sad reality of life, and it's not their fault if they sometimes fall short of expectations...

If you would only teach them about the value of self worth without forgetting about respect for others regardless of their stature in life...

If you would only choose to love without expecting anything in return...

Then you would make this world a much better and peaceful place to live in.

May you not forget to come home to your loved ones a much happier person.

Beloved...Treasured...Cherished

"We don't meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our paths for a reason."

Have you ever experienced that once in a lifetime moment where – right in the middle of your long-drawn grief and unabated misery due to your father’s heartbreaking death - a beautiful distraction comes along and suddenly your life is never the same again?

Have you ever felt that inexplicable connection with someone who – on a rainy day - casually strides in front of your eyes and into your life without warning, and right away you just know that person was simply meant to be there?

I was blessed enough to experience these and more with a 21-year-old fascinating dreamer from “Ulo ng Apo” who I endearingly call my “Ate Charo”. I call her that because our authentic bond basically started on a dramatic note… with text exchanges that began with her lost Estee Lauder brush set on July 7, 2018 at 9:33 PM, which eventually progressed into day long till the wee hours of the morning FB messenger chats starting at 1:18AM of July 13, 2018.

Everything has been a chaotic roller coaster ride since then with her. Like any mother/aunt-daughter, best friend kind-of-thing relationship, ours is never be perfect. There were days when we would talk about the silliest, most mundane things like my pet peeve for her chafed nail polish and jabba-like photos plus her ill-timed “erna” moments. But there are far more priceless hours of sombre moments when we converse about the happiest, saddest, shitty chapters of our colourful, melodramatic lives.

Because of her, I now believe that people do not just randomly appear into our lives, and there is always a reason and a purpose behind it. The timing of Ate Charo’s coming into my life has been a crucial turning point. She rescued me from the middle of nowhere as I am still grieving and was on a downward spiral 8 months into my father’s death. She became a wonderful breather from losing the only parent who saw me as his favourite and pride among three kids. And I will forever be grateful to her, because she made me realize that blood is not a requisite for someone to be truly a part of your life. That all you need is unconditional kindness, love, understanding and acceptance, despite all your unforgiveable flaws.

I see Ate Charo as a girl bravely fighting her own demons – like her insecurities – while on her quest to find her place on earth and chasing her dream to be a beauty queen. I have seen first-hand how committed she is to her passion and her dream despite some incomprehensible, sad and hurtful challenges that tend to break her spirit. She is a valiant warrior who does not allow her detractors to get the better of her. 

I hope that I have somehow inspired her to see her true worth... that she is far more precious than who she thinks she really is, and that only she has the power to make a better version of herself each day. That is the only way I can repay her for the boundless joy and calm she has given me the past two months. 

I was at my happiest tonight (August 5, 2018) because my Ate Charo proved her mettle on that beauty pageant stage. She achieved her target to be at least in the Top 3. She says she did it for her parents and the people who believe in her. And I want her to know how proud I am of her bravery and her humility, and for doing her best tonight. While she did not bring home the crown, she was the rightful queen and the winner in the hearts of many spectators watching the show, mine included. I will miss her, and our secret meet-ups somewhere in a hotel basement just for some good night hugs. 

In a few days, she will be moving on to a much bigger pageant stage and I know she will continue to go far because she is Princess Merida of DunBroch personified. She loves her family, but she also wants to create her own destiny and go after her dreams. And I believe she is destined for something really great and exciting, if she will just continue to believe in herself.

Sometimes, I feel like I don’t deserve to have someone as remarkable, as considerate, and as kind like her in my life. I know that I have continuously upset her with my erratic mood swings, I feel I do not even deserve any more minute of her time. But then again, it would be difficult as well to conceive a day and a world without her in it.

She is a precious gift from above, the daughter I never had.  

Love does a lot of things for a lot of people. It also allows us to make memories that last for a lifetime. I pray that Ate Charo – for a very long time – will continue to be one of the reasons why my life is beautiful, happy (and a little snappy at times). 

One day, when we both look back to this point in our existence, to these moments when certain things happened in our lives, I hope we could both proudly say that it has been an uplifting, encouraging, and strengthening experience for the both of us. 

There will never be another Ate Charo in my lifetime. I hope that whenever she remembers me, the first things that will come to her mind are love and kindness. I will keep my promise to be there for her for as long as she needs me in her life...which is like forever, I hope.

So what would my life be if Ate Charo did not even exist in my world? 

As in the wonderful musical selection, "For Good" from the play "Wicked" says:

"I've heard it said, 
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are led to those 
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you.
I have been changed for good...

So, let me say before we part:
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you.
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine
By simply being my friend."

I love you Ate Charo. You are my beloved...treasured..cherished. 

A Mother's Love

I just came across a heartwarming email from a friend who quoted the note of Erma Bombeck about A mother's Love which I want to share with you - just in time for Mother's Day this coming Sunday.

A mother's love is as big as a house, deep as an ocean, constant as the stars.

A mother's love is all encompassing, all knowing and all forgiving.

It is home. And yet as big as it is, a mother's love remembers all the details

and knows the littlest things can be the most important ---

like how much chocolate should be mixed with milk, when to offer advice and when to be still,

and just the right squeezing that makes the perfect hug.

From the biggest moments down to the sweetest nothings,

a mother's heart stands at the ready to comfort, encourage, inspire, protect, and most of all, love.

Mother's LOVE shows us the way.

Mother's COURAGE can move mountains.

Mother's WISDOM holds you close.

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment

slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

To my dearest Mother - the most perfect gift of a mom to us three - happy mother's day.

To my friends who make this world a much better place with their unfaltering mothering ways to their kids - happy mother's day.

To my husband, Edgar, who made me a mother to a wonderful, special kid in my only son EJ, thank you so much.

Close to 40

Just one more sleep and it's my birth month! How time flies quickly, with another decade to end, another chapter in my life to be written. Looking back, the most significant things in my life happened in my third chapter... fell so hard out of and in love... found my match... got pregnant... gave birth... got married... got in and out of the hospital because of some health problems... established sisterhoods... got recognized somehow professionally... the chapter when Fatima can say she finally grew up - and grew bigger - the chapter when she began to see things and the world around her differently.

This is the chapter when...

I came to understand that life hands you big blows but you have to be thankful for them for they make you a stronger person...

I began to appreciate the inner fulfillment of having to think of another's good first instead of my own...

I learned that sometimes you have to keep your mouth shut and keep your thoughts to yourself so as not to hurt other people and hurt yourself too in the process...

I came to realize that there is more to life than getting yourself bored to death doing the same thing over and over again...

I learned that when you forgive somebody who has wronged or hurt you, forgetting may not be easy but it won't hurt if you at least give it a try...

I recognized the wisdom that you don't necessarily have to force yourself to like somebody to be able to co-exist harmoniously with that person in the workplace...

I verified the veracity of the truth that stress can make you look older, give you gray hair, and worst of all give you unwanted pounds (this is what i hated the most!)...

I learned that saying sorry does not make you weak...

I knew that true friendships - like true love - would always survive... and

I realized it is your dreams - not your ambition - that will get you safely and happily where you are.